Hero

I miss being not-so-sure how being poly could hurt, and being entirely certain that you could work through it, no matter what.

I miss having “yes” on the tip of my tongue for everything, everyone. None of this analyzing and (more often than not) concluding that it’s not what I want.

I miss not knowing what I wanted, and therefore wanting everything. Wanting more than I do now.

I miss daring to like people just the way they were. Now I fear their demands, neediness, dissatisfaction, pessimism, apathy, possessiveness, lies.

I miss trusting that every person I meet just wants to be happy — doesn’t want to make someone else miserable. Like I’ve forgotten why I wanted to be poly in the first place.

I miss loving with no regrets, and at least sorta knowing why. No inexplicable yearning, especially not for the wrong person.

I miss my enthusiasm to explain ethical sluttery to anyone who would listen. Now I’m tired, sick of having to defend myself, and I always assume I’ll have to.

I miss being invincible.