Caught in the middle

Sex blogs are fun, once you sift through the screechy, boastful conquest logs. But their proliferation can be frustrating for someone like me. Like I’ve said — it’s not just about the sex. I’m looking for lessons, for experiences to append to mine.

So no wonder that my most-consulted blog on ethical sluttery — and favourite, without reserve — is Anita Wagner’s Practical Polyamory. As Anita herself has noted, her blog is “more focused on relationship skills and activism than sex”. And she has an uncanny way of writing about precisely the issues that I happen to be facing in my relationships.

Yesterday, she posted about what happens When We Don’t Get Along with a Partner’s Other Love. Anita shares her struggles to establish a warm and close relationship with B, her SO’s OSO. She concludes:

Poly people don’t have to love and spend a lot of time with with their SO’s OSOs, but we do have to respect their place in our SO’s life and refrain from doing things that are harmful to the other SO and their relationship with our SO. Some polyfolk enter into poly life longing for a loving family, but creating one from SOs and OSOs isn’t always a matter of pure will. Compatability matters across the board, and when two who share an SO find they don’t especially enjoy each other’s company, there is no reason they should have to force the subject.

Gar and Loup? The book’s not closed on that one. With recent developments (more on this later), I know we’re headed for a slope. But I can’t tell from my vantage point if it’ll be a big one or a little one.

Given all the uncertainties and unknowns ahead, I find myself hoping (praying? longing?) for a mutual agreement between Gar and Loup — like Anita and B — simply to respect each other’s place in their shared lover’s life and to refrain from conflict and discord between each other.

Sometimes, I’m afraid that even that is too much to ask.